Welcome to our POWER RANKINGS, where the game is made up and the points don’t matter. Each week, we’ll rank the players from Safest (ranking of 1) to Boot Worthy. There is absolutely no consistency here, but we’ll accumulate points anyway – because why the hell not?

I wanted to start us off a bit differently than normal because of how TERRIBLE we were last round. Here were our rankings and comments for Malcolm Freberg…

Malcolm Power Ranking

Hilarious and sad. Anyway, here’s our current score…

Robb: 23
Garrett: 15
Peter: 12

We also have a new addition to our ranking crowd, Nick! Let’s see if he’s any better at this than the rest of us.

Average Placement – 2

Robb – 1 – How the eff are we living in a world where Troyzan is #1 on a Survivor power rankings list? This season is fun and weird, man.

Garrett – 4 – While he’s a main focus on Tavua, he’s shown he’ll know if he needs to use the idol (which is obviously likely), so he’s good.

Peter – 1 – Troy still has his idol and still knows he’s on the outs. We barely saw Tavua last week so I can only assume not much

Nick – 1 – I still think Troy is in the best spot right now, since he’s got that idol and a huge target on his tribe in the form of Cirie. Unless he makes a complete fool of himself out there, I think he can stick it out.

Average Placement – 3

Robb – 5 – Still in a good spot in her alliance, but not she’s seen as a threat by others, tide could quickly turn for her.

Garrett – 1 – I still see NOBODY wanting Sierra out. I mean, the only reason she was targeted this last round is because she was a non-threat that wouldn’t have an idol. She’s fine.

Peter – 2 – Last week was great for Sierra. Saved by an Tai’s idol, their alliance is much tighter. I can’t see her going anywhere.

Nick – 4 – Despite being a target last round, Sierra’s still in a good spot. Her physical abilities in challenges are sure to keep her around and she’s managed to place herself in a pretty secure position in the tribe.

Average Placement – 5

Robb – 8 – Here come the people that have done nothing, which is alright. Zeke has no reason to be worried but also hasn’t stood out much, which is a good thing for him.

Garrett – 5 – As I’ve said, Tavua is tough. I’ve had Zeke much lower is previous weeks and I probably should’ve been having him up top honestly. He seems golden to merge.

Peter – 3 – Zeke is fine. If he’s still on this season. Is he on Exile Island with Sarah?

Nick – 3 – He’s just been completely non-threatening so far and I don’t see that changing too much anytime soon. He’s got too many big threats on his tribe and he’s too level-headed a player. His unknown status is pretty much his only detractor at this point.

Average Placement – 6

Robb – 4 – I’m shocked at how well Brad has played. His one drawback is that he looks like too much of a head honcho, might bite him in the butt later on.

Garrett – 2 – BFC is calling all the shots over here. If his tribe goes to tribal council, I see Hali taking the brunt, or even Debbie, or Tai… honestly he’s is so good over there.

Peter – 5 – Brad did great last week, at least from his tribe’s perspective. His only real danger is JT snorkeling over to his beach and strangling him in his sleep.

Nick – 12 – I’m worried that Debbie’s meltdown might have the opposite effect that I think it will and Brad will find himself a target. There’s definitely a pattern here. Brad takes the reigns of the tribe, someone starts yelling at him, the rest of his tribe sees him as a threat and gets rid of him. History repeats itself and I would not be entirely shocked if that happened here.

Average Placement – 6

Robb – 3 – New season, same Ozzy. Monotone, physically dominant, great fisher, dumb as a bamboo shoot. He’s done nothing to jeopardize himself.

Garrett – 8 – I could probably put him higher because he’s in a great spot, but there are so many non-threats that Ozzy is at least somewhat threatening at all times. He’ll be fine in any case.

Peter – 10 – The closer we get to the merge, the wiser it is to blindside Ozzy. I feel Troyzan’s target could move away from Andrea and to Ozzy.

Nick – 2 – He’s a huge threat for sure, but an even bigger asset as far as challenges and food. I still think he’s in this for the long haul.

Average Placement – 6

Robb – 9 – Same thing as Zeke, Sarah hasn’t done much, but her game is best suited being one that comes on strong late and lays a lot of groundwork as opposed to being flashy early and often.

Garrett – 3 – It’s difficult to place the Tavua folks because we’ve seen so little of them. But I feel like Sarah isn’t the weakest in challenges and I’m sure not the weakest at camp, so she seems safe. It’s all about the Troyzan vs Andrea stuff.

Peter – 6 – I’m sure Sarah will beat Zeke in this week’s Redemption Island challenge. That’s where she is, right? I don’t know. I can’t wait to find out.

Nick – 6 – Similar to many of her tribemates, she’s got a low threat status going on right now and there are others that are much more likely to get targeted over her, so I think she’ll be fine for a bit.

Average Placement – 6

Robb – 2 – This is nuts and I don’t like myself for it, but Tai just used an idol correctly, and while he is Tai, that’s got to curry him some favor. His relationship with Brad doesn’t hurt his status.

Garrett – 13 – Tai sucks at Survivor. There, I said it. Brad is going to lead him wherever he needs and ditch him when he’s not useful anymore. Maybe it’s my hope, but if Tai leaves next round I’ll be happy.

Peter – 4 – Tai had a great week last week. Found an idol, saved an ally. He should be safe this week but then, who knows what he may do or say.

Nick – 5 – Despite his known reputation as a flip-flopper and his already fairly wishy-washy behavior, I think Tai will stick around. I wouldn’t at all be shocked if he played a pivotal role in the next vote if his tribe goes to tribal this episode.

Average Placement – 8

Robb – 6 – I have no idea where to put anyone from nuNuku, so this is just a crapshoot. I think Varner looks good, I have no idea if he is good or not, but he’ll go here for now.

Garrett – 9 – He is so useless in challenges that I don’t think I’ll ever put him in the top 5 (unless we get to the merge). But for now he’s in a good spot with bigger targets in front of him.

Peter – 9 – If they vote out the outsider JT is gone. If they go for challenge strength, I think Sandra is a bigger threat. Can Varner finally make jury?!

Nick – 9 – He’s laying low, he’s got a lot of bigger fish that need frying on his tribe, and he’s very social, so I think Jeff’s ok, but his weakness in challenges could maybe hurt him a little.

Average Placement – 8

Robb – 7 – Nothing good nothing bad, she could still go any time soon since I think she’s still a major question mark, but I don’t think she’s in immediate danger

Garrett – 6 – She’s cooled off a LOT since her premiere episode and I think that bodes well for our friend. I’m hopeful that there are other threats on her tribe that’ll go before her.

Peter – 8 – Her tribe is in a tough position challenge-wise and she is the unknown factor on the team but I think her challenge strength will keep her in the running.

Nick – 8 – Apart from having a short fuse Michaela doesn’t really have any significant detriments to her game right now. I don’t see her taking any heat at the moment, especially with everything going on with JT and having Sandra on her tribe as well.

Average Placement – 9

Robb – 11 – Varner’s maybe sidekick I don’t know? Tough to place her, at least she’s definitely not in the worst spot on her tribe.

Garrett – 10 – Look, Aubry is going to be fine. She’s not a threat and I don’t see people really targeting her any time soon. BUT I do see her as the next person after JT and Sandra to go home from new Nuku and she could be a plan C for people.

Peter – 7 – Aubry I think is well positioned in the middle of her current tribe, with much bigger fish to fry. I think if they go to tribal this week it’ll be JT v Sandra.

Nick – 7 – Aubry has been playing things much more low-key since the pre-swap and with many more prominent players and at least a couple scandals, she’s in a fairly good spot. She’s also smart enough to keep out of trouble and maneuver out of any problems she may find herself in.

Average Placement – 10

Robb – 10 – She’s in a better place than I expected after the swap, still not totally safe, but has a decent footing in the tribe.

Garrett – 7 – Cirie took a lot of heat in the beginning, but she’s calmed down since. Ozzy even wants to work with her. I don’t know that we’ll see a Cirie boot for a while.

Peter – 11 – She just needs to survive until the merge! Can she do it? I don’t think so.

Nick – 13 – I think when she finally goes to tribal we’ll see Ozzy’s secret feud come up again. She’s a high level strategic threat and I don’t see her making it to the merge unless she somehow manages to avoid tribal council until then.

Average Placement – 13

Robb – 14 – Nothing last week suggests she’s in any less danger/is any less of a target for Troyzan.

Garrett – 11 – Andrea is the bottom person on Tavua and she’s a likely target for Troyzan (so we’ve been told). I’ll give her credit that she could get herself out of it if she really needed to, but overall I don’t even see Tavua going to tribal soon with Ozzy helping lead the way.

Peter – 12 – I still can’t really place Andrea since she’s been featured so little. But I don’t see her having any strong bonds right now.

Nick – 15 – We didn’t hear much from Andrea last week, but two weeks ago she made herself an obvious target to Troyzan and I feel like that won’t be forgotten.

Average Placement – 13

Robb – 12 – That preview is the main reason Debbie is down here, but also because I just don’t like her. I think she’s completely looney. Won’t be surprised if she blows her game up for no reason.

Garrett – 12 – I’ve never been sure about Debbie and I don’t see her lasting the entire 39 days. If new Mana goes to tribal council, she could be a target. Granted not before Hali and Tai, but she’s still there (and her blow-up likely won’t help her out).

Peter – 13 – Debbie Does… something? The preview shows Debbie going crazy (crazier?) and it could spell trouble for her.

Nick – 16 – Based on her apparent meltdown that we can expect to see in the next episode, I feel like she won’t have long in this game. I think she’s unstable and her tribemates will see that.

Average Placement – 13

Robb – 15 – Boy she’s lucky the redneck melted down, because she could easily be last if things hadn’t gone so fortuitously for her last tribal.

Garrett – 14 – She’s the absolute bottom of new Mana and if they lose (which seems very plausible) then she’s toast.

Peter – 14 – All that can save Hali is Debbie’s meltdown. Will it point the finger away from Hali? Who knows. It’s hard to say

Nick – 10 – She’s still on the outs, and while I think some others will take precedence over her in terms of boot order, she’s not completely safe either.

Average Placement – 14

Robb – 13 – In a better spot with Malcolm gone but that doesn’t mean much. Still not in a good spot, won’t be doing much better when the merge hits if she makes it that far.

Garrett – 15 – Her cockiness is going to come back and bite her real hard. Her threat level is high and I can’t see her lasting more than a few rounds (barring an immunity run with her tribe).

Peter – 16 – If the JT vs Sandra showdown happens, I think everyone is ready to oust Sandra, especially out of fear of losing another challenge.

Nick – 11 – She’s situated pretty well, but she’s still a 2-time winner and she’s been playing pretty boldly. There are a lot of threats that are more prominent than her but I don’t think she’s out of the woods yet.

Average Placement – 15

Robb – 16 – Dude, I mean….what the hell was that?!?!?! Where is the Tocantins JT that everyone fawned over and was charming and not halfway stupid? JT’s Survivor theme should be “I Need a Jew” from Family Guy, cause Stephen is the greatest thing to ever happen to him.

Garrett – 16 – The decline of our Survivor God has been sad to watch, but after his fumble last week I just can’t see him sticking around. His tribe lost a challenge asset, so tribal seems imenent. New Nuku will demolish him without a second thought. Rest in peace good buddy.

Peter – 15 – They seem likely to lose a challenge and go to tribal. And I can’t see anything but a JT v Sandra showdown happening.

Nick – 14 – I don’t think he’s going anywhere just yet, but he’s in too much hot water after this past mess of an episode to be anywhere near the top of this list. I’m pretty much hedging my bets with this placement. He’s on the bottom and the outs and things look very bleak for him.

Be sure to check out last week’s Power Ranking from Pre-Episode 3!